A guy I worked for many years ago told me that if you make prospect your friend they will become a customer.

Immediately I struggled with this concept - even back then I thought of myself as a tactician when it came to sales calls and business relationships. I might enjoy my customers company but never did it cross my mind that my customer was my friend in the true sense of the word. The very idea of being friends with my customers actually made me uncomfortable. After all, how could I take rejection from a friend and remain emotionally neutral? Not to mention, could I give a friend minimal attention based on some ROI formula or worse yet, could I “fire” a friend? The ability to maintain emotional distance, prioritize, and even eliminate customers from my business life required that they not be friends in any true sense.

To make matters even more complicated, I’m not what most would describe as a “people person” in the first place: I don’t love parties or large groups of strangers and I’m by no means a social butterfly. I enjoy listening to people deeply and talking about real tangible ideas, concepts and problems and engage them with possible solutions to the best of my ability - hardly the Rock-Star at a cocktail party!

So, as you can see, I was a bit mystified as to how to follow my boss’s advice. He was, however, a self made millionaire and a much respected businessman in his industry, so I wanted to take any advice he could give to better me and my career.

It took a while, but ultimately I realized my boss didn't mean “friend” the way I did at all. He wasn't personal friends with any of his customers, and seldom even saw them except at meetings or events.

What he didn't articulate to me or I was unable to understand was his strategy of networking or “schmoozing” that would create a personal connection and status in your prospecting community. The good news is I was already doing this and agreed wholeheartedly with the concept as I saw it; Meet new people and create trusting relationships - Period. The bad news, for me at least, was that my boss had a much different, more traditional way of approaching the same task. His strategy was to essentially pay for peoples' favor. Buying lunches, trips, show tickets and offering commissions or additional side deals in exchange for an agreement to do business. Obviously this is not uncommon.

While I totally respected his achievements I had two fundamental problems with this strategy for building a community of customers: First and foremost I think it can send the wrong message. When you offer any type of “kickback” or favor for business you are indirectly saying “our product/service is just like our competitors and you probably have no reason to work with me other than what I do for you personally” . Secondly, in the modern business world people move around a lot more than they used to and your “good buddy” today may be working in Papua New Guinea next month. You’re going to need a lot of discretionary funds to keep everyone “greased” and chances are, if you’re selling a high enough ticket item there is probably some Board or Committee or “Blind Bid” process somewhere that is designed specifically to break up the little syndicate you created.

In my opinion it’s much more productive (not to mention cheaper) to become friendly with a large enough group in your industry and firmly establish yourself as an ethical professional and an expert who can be called upon and consulted. Although this is a longer more intensive process it will leave you in a much more respectable position to be in when a business/sales conversation does take place, not to mention it will always attract the more serious prospects and prevent you from wasting time with “perk” seeking wiseguys.